Sunday, June 30, 2002

Whats on the menu at Kerringtons house?


- Egg and cactus omlette with Paul newman dressing sauce, Ham and cheese jello with a TAB soda.
Slutty Phaoroh Queen

Whore, You smell like a dirty whore.
Whore, Thou art a skanky pie of oozing skankyness.
Whore, Your bagina flappies are crusty with pings and pellets.
Whore, You make me want to vomit on a butterfly, which is pure, unlike yourself...you slut-bag.

Dirty, dirty, dirty slut-ho-bag.
Dirty, dirty, dirty slutty-skank 'o the Nile.

- S T A B -

Tuesday, June 25, 2002

Kerrington22: weenies
LisaZao: well ya know
LisaZao: I don't think it was the alcohol I think it was actually the extreme exchaustion
Kerrington22: did you and james makeout ? hahaha
LisaZao: hahhaha whatever no...........he slept in his room I slept ont he couch
Kerrington22: sure. you gave him a hand job
Kerrington22: hehe
Kerrington22: YOU GAVE JAMES WATERFIELD A HAND JOB!!!
LisaZao: I did no such thing!
Kerrington22: sure..whatever...
LisaZao: oh yeah let me tell you it was the most fun I've had yet! ;-)
LisaZao: yeah right!
Kerrington22: im going to tell everyone!!
LisaZao: whatever then it is on your face cause we didn't do anything!
Kerrington22: hehehe
Kerrington22: but not like the spooge that was on your face cuz you gave him a hand job. lol
LisaZao: oh yeah

Saturday, June 22, 2002

emolissa: booty

Kerrington22: 'night

Kerrington22: haha

Kerrington22: thats funnie

emolissa: nows the part where i talk like yoda

Kerrington22: ...ahhhhh... your creepy.. lol

emolissa: "too much booty in the pants, there is."

emolissa: lol

Kerrington22: um.

emolissa: night

Kerrington22: 'night creepy

Kerrington22: haha im gonna post this lol

emolissa: uhh ok

Kerrington22: it was random and creepy. slut.

emolissa: lol

Kerrington22: Call me anus!

emolissa: no

Kerrington22: or tapeworm.

emolissa: lol

emolissa: no

Kerrington22: Pull the tapeworm outta your ass! oi!

Kerrington22: Pull the tapeworm outta your ass! oi!

Kerrington22: Pull the tapeworm outta your ass! oi!

emolissa: uhhh ookkk

Kerrington22: its from system of a down its funnie they repeat that in a song.

Thursday, June 20, 2002

GrandmaNakkie: tee

BolognaNipplez: can i slap your butt with a waffle?

BolognaNipplez: it turns me on

GrandmaNakkie: Only if you squeeze the anus glands on my cats rectum.

BolognaNipplez: will there be money involved?

GrandmaNakkie: Do you take money orders?

BolognaNipplez: i seen this rap video and now i have a hankerin to dew you on money

BolognaNipplez: hmm...i guess

GrandmaNakkie: *puts on a shark mask and lays on the kitchen sink*

GrandmaNakkie: take me swiftly!

GrandmaNakkie: spank me wiff your waffles!

BolognaNipplez: *spanks you with a waffle while riding the motion train of Leon Redbone

BolognaNipplez: *sings....COME AND GET YOUR LOOOOOOOOOVE

GrandmaNakkie: *cries out Leon Redbones name*

GrandmaNakkie: OOHH LEEEEEEEOOONN!

BolognaNipplez: bitch!!! you cheatin on me with a indian huh?!!!!!

GrandmaNakkie: *cowers in drainage pipe* n..no...nooo!

GrandmaNakkie: I thought I said to put on Lionel Richie!

BolognaNipplez: i dont lionel ritchie no more! not since that last time you coughed up that eggroll on muh dong.....it reminds me too much*covers face and cries

GrandmaNakkie: awww don't cry wee one...

GrandmaNakkie: I'm sorry I ever mentioned ...*his* name..

GrandmaNakkie: *takes off her K.D.Lang 1990 world tour t shirt and dabs your eyes*

BolognaNipplez: its ok*sops it up..... like my uncle always said while a lesson on...how to please a man.....just because something hurts doesnt mean you cant poke it...in other words...on with the show....*bends ya over the sink again

GrandmaNakkie: oh my!

GrandmaNakkie: what is that in your pocket miss!?

BolognaNipplez: a sandwich bag full of cpn crunch...

GrandmaNakkie: really?

BolognaNipplez: yep

BolognaNipplez: wanna see a pic of me?

GrandmaNakkie: I thought it was that AC/DC tape.

BolognaNipplez: i look good

GrandmaNakkie: Oh yes, that white linen moo-moo fits your curves just in the right spot.

BolognaNipplez: i thought it looked revealing........tis why i used it when i corresponded to others while i was in prison

GrandmaNakkie: you were with others in prison! I thought I was your only love!?

BolognaNipplez: you know i get tons of attention

GrandmaNakkie: with that sexy mullet of yours, who wouldnt.

GrandmaNakkie: Oh god it makes me hot! take me with that box of sugar cubes!

Wednesday, June 19, 2002

Ok, I am going to start this out as any other stupid story that I would write about my friends…just because I don’t think there is any better way to start one out, so I shall say, once upon a time…

In the forest of Somecheesymythicalname, the glimmer of morning sunlight fell on the sleeping form of a young Gnome. This young Gnome’s name was Bradfus. His real name was Bo Seafus, but he got made fun of a lot because it was pretty gay. So he ran away from the torments of his former clan, and decided to live a life of solitude by the forest of Somecheesymythicalname. Bradfus was very tired because of a huge party he was at the previous day at his friends rotting log house. His friend, Jesskaifoos, is a Hag. Some people think Hags are bad beings, but Jessaifoos has learned the ways of good. When Bradfus and Jesskaifoos became fwends, she told him of the Hag story, as follows:

“There are different forms of hags, Bradfus.” Jesskaifoos declared, “The hag from Europe is supernaturally ugly, associated with the devil and depicted sometimes as a witch. Hags are known to use a human as a mount and will "ride" them in their sleep, hence the term 'hag-ridden'.”
“Is that so?” Bradfus questioned.
“Yes… now pay attention. During sleep, a hag will climb onto a man's stomach or chest and will "ride" him. This will cause the man great discomfort and nightmares, and even, if the hag continues to ride the man, death. So you can see, this is why we have been given a bad rep. But you can be assured that I am the only good Hag in the world, and I will NOT 'ride' you.”

Bradfus gave this a lot of thought and decided to trust Jesskaifoos with all his little gnome heart. But Bradfus had naughty thoughts, because he misunderstood the meaning of the “ride” of a man, and mounting him. Bradfus being a pervert, began to jack off when he got back to his little mushroom house. The next day, Jesskaifoos remembered that Bradfus might have taken it the wrong way and decided to go to his house and tell him what she actually meant. Boy, did Bradfus feel icky.

Anyways, as Bradfus was laying in his ditch next to his mushroom house, he quickly felt that he was being watched. Bradfus picked up his little red pointy hat, tied the hemp belt tightly around his gnomely waist and stood up. As he yawed he caught the glimmer of something out of his eye in the bushes. Bradfus hunched down and slowly waddled over to the spot where he could have sworn he saw something. With a deep gnomely breath, Bradfus pulled back the weeds and gasped. Melthis! Scwoosh! What are you two doing in my weeds!!!? Melthis and Scwoosh are two Wyverns. The Wyvern is a serpent-like dragon with wings. It has two legs, on which they look like eagles talons. It has a tail that ends in a barb. In other words… they are frickin Creepy-Butt-Ass-Ugly Mofos.

Melthis was the first to speak, “HAY! CAN”T YOU SEE WE ARE BUSY! GO AWAY!”
“Yah... make an appointment. Leave my Scene Ho alone. Roar.” Scwoosh replied soon after.
Bradfus was so shaken at the two humping dragon-snakes he fled inside of his little mushroom house and hid under his bed.


Soon later that day, Jesskaifoos came over for some crumpets. All she wore was pink panties and nipple tassles. She also brought along a troll that was called Scott. Scott didn’t do much , he just kinda sat there and did everything that Jesskaifoos said and threw remote controls at him. He liked it. Pat the gump also came over, she was a gump with fecked up teeth and had warts all over her nose. No one really payed attention to Pat, except when she would prononce things wrong like Sword or Knife.

“So Bradfus, this is a pretty nice Mushroom house you have here…” Said Pat, who slyly rubbed her gump boob on the table in hopes to arouse Bradfus.
“Er, yah. It’s a nice mushroom. My granma use to own it back in the day.”
“Oh I see….”
Jesskaifoos, sensing Bradfus’s uneasiness, started saying something about weird snakes boofing in the weeds.
“So yeah…. How about those humping Wyverns?” Jesskaifoos said.
“Oh yeassssshhh, I saw dem bishes in thee weeeeds ‘round by my bridge…sheeit it was some scary boofin.” Said Scott the Troll.
“Shut up Scott!!”
“Ok…”

Everyone was sitting by the table eating weird crumpets with naked men on them, when all of a sudden everyone got a strange feeling. The wind started blowing hard and a bright burst of light came from the sky. When everyone was able to see, they all screamed in utter horror. Before them, a cubed shaped space ship landed before them, and a creature that looked half human, half machine stepped out.

“Whooo who are you?” Bradfus asked the strange space creature.

“I am :D of Borg.”

“What?” everyone said at the same time.

“ :D of Borg… I am here to assimilate you into the collective. Resistance is Futile.”

“NOOOOO! Not the Borg!” cried Pat
“Who are the Borg?” asked Scott
“I don’t know, they are pretty hot tho, maybe I’ll have sex with them” Pat said

“I am :D of Borg, Resistance is Futile, you will surrender.” :D said.

As everyone stood there in complete fear of :D , Melthis and Scwoosh the snockayes slithered around the :D of Borg creature and squeezed it to death.
Everyone rejoiced yay yay, I am tired of writing this stupid story. The end.